


还是要幸福 (still in happiness)

by svgaruto



Category: GOT7
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-17
Updated: 2015-08-17
Packaged: 2018-04-15 04:24:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,867
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4592742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/svgaruto/pseuds/svgaruto
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>youngjae only wishes the best for yugyeom.</p>
            </blockquote>





	还是要幸福 (still in happiness)

**［不 确 定 就 别 亲 吻，感 情 很 容 易 毁 了 一 个 人。］**

**[don’t kiss if you’re unsure, feelings can easily hurt a person. ]**

“yah! choi youngjae, stop wiggling around!” youngjae only giggled.

“no!” the taller man looked at him, before bursting out into giggles, joining the older in laughter.

“yah! i’m trying to take a picture here, stop movin--choi youngjae!” the taller male locked youngjae in a headlock and forcefully shifted the writhing male in front of him. youngjae struggled against the grip, still giggling away happily.

“don’t wanna, gye--” his words were cut off halfway at the sound of a shutter and a pair of soft lips pressing on his cheek. youngjae turned to look up at his best friend with fake annoyance and huffed, trying to look angry at the younger man for snapping without his consent. he slipped out from the other’s long arms and ran down the dimly-lit road, trying to calm the butterflies in his stomach, away from the brown haired man who was calling out for him.

youngjae eventually ran out of stamina, allowing the longer male to catch up with him.

“i think,” the younger started, “i think i’m in love with you.” youngjae only smiled shyly from under his lashes, blood rushing straight to his cheeks. a pair of firm, but soft hands cupped his cheeks, making youngjae look straight at the taller. he blushed impossibly harder, and let out a soft “me too, gyeom.”

as their faces move closer, youngjae thought it couldn’t get any better.

**［一 个 人 若 不 够 狠，爱 淡 了 不 离 不 弃 多 残 忍。］**

**[if a person is not ruthless enough, how cruel would it be to not leave after love has faded?]**

youngjae lay on the couch with his head in yugyeom’s lap, his hands playing with the other’s fingers. he felt yugyeom’s pulse run faster as he shifted his head to a more comfortable position. there was this weird tension in the air that he couldn’t seem to put his finger on. he continued playing with the taller’s long fingers, trying to ignore the heavy silence in the air.

yugyeom was the first one to break it.

“youngjae.” the said boy hummed in response. the other male carefully carded his fingers through the silky strands of the older boy.

“i’ve been thinking,” yugyeom paused and took a deep breath.

“what are we?”

youngjae immediately sat up from his position and felt lightheaded. leaning forward, he took a deep breath and held his head with his hands gently. “what do you mean by that? i thought we had a mutual agreement? we are boyfriends.”

yugyeom sighed and tilted his head back, eyes trained on the ceiling.

“hyu--”

“did you meet someone else?” youngjae whispered, voice fragile as he looked down at his lap. the taller’s words immediately stopped at the tip of his tongue and he tilted his head back to look at the back of the smaller figure next to him, his back hunched sadly.

“it’s no--”

“someone better than me?” yugyeom’s heart swelled with sadness as the older male turned to look at him with watery eyes.

“i--” yugyeom started as he heard youngjae sniff softly and the younger choked out a broken _yes_ , unable to keep it from the older any longer.

youngjae sucked in a gush of air and clenched his fists and eyes, all in an attempt to not break down into sobs and tell the younger to not go, as he took in this information. he exhaled and unclenched his fists, opened his eyes and reached out to stroke yugyeom’s cheek gingerly with shaky hands. he brushed away a stray tear on the younger’s cheek and gently planted his lips on yugyeom’s forehead. youngjae breathed deeply and let go of the other’s face.  

“go.” and yugyeom rushed to his feet faster than he had ever done before and giving youngjae’s hand a small squeeze, he slipped his feet into his shoes and closed the door behind him.

youngjae breathed deeply as the door clicked shut, forcing himself to stay calm. _breathe, you’ll be alright_ , youngjae chanted in his head. he clenched his jaw and breathed, slow and deep. _that went rather well_ , youngjae thought as he leaned back against the couch. his gaze moved to rest on the frame that held the image their happy selves, the one youngjae refused to take.

something burst inside him and youngjae broke out into uncontrollable cries. he hugged his knees to his chest as his body shook with every heart wrenching sob that left his lips.

_i love you_ , he knew that yugyeom knows but it was easier for him to let the younger go without having to burden him with these three words.

red. all there was was red; the light that spilled in from the red stained curtains, the walls painted red, the tiles washed red, his shirt covered in red, his being drowned in red.

youngjae looked up from his place at the foot of his bed and stared at the photo frame before him. it was the only photo frame left unturned and youngjae wasn’t sure if he was glad he left it as it was or not. it was his favorite picture, the one that had started it all; their first confession, first date, first kiss, first love. youngjae smiled sadly as his fingers traced the happy smiles of their faces. he turned away from the photo frame and fixed his gaze onto the broken glass shards not too far away. underneath the blood-stained fragments lay a photograph, it’s white back facing up.

youngjae tried to understand because yugyeom deserves to be happy. and if someone else has done it better than him, youngjae would let him go because youngjae loved and still loves yugyeom that much, so wholeheartedly, he’d rather yugyeom find eternal happiness.

**  
**  


**［你 留 下 来 的 垃 圾，我 一 天 一 天 总 会 丢 完 的。］**

**[the things that you left behind, i will eventually clear them day by day.]**

youngjae finally got himself to clear the things yugyeom had in his house after one and a half months of grieving. he stood up and stretched for the first time in one and a half months and he felt his legs tremble under him. he held the wall for support as he ventured into his room to grab a set of fresh clothes and underwear and made it out in time before his legs could give out under him.

he managed to shuffle to the bathroom and lock the door before he plopped his weight onto the cover of the toilet bowl. he quickly stripped off his dirty clothes and slid into the shower with a stool, sat under the warm water and scrubbed off the grime and dirt off his skin, wincing slightly when he rubbed too hard at an old wound. youngjae took extreme care not to use any of yugyeom’s soaps as he lathered his body with foam. he stepped out of the shower feeling clean and new and wrapped the towel around his waist.

youngjae reached for the untouched shaving cream and shaver and shaved off a month and a half’s worth of stubble, then grabbed a pair of scissors and snipped off his overgrown hair where it had covered his eyes. he reached for a new toothbrush and brushed his teeth, throwing his old one and yugyeom’s into the bin without even batting an eyelid. he dressed himself in the new set of clothes and shoved the dirty ones into the bin as well as disposing of yugyeom’s toiletries. youngjae tied a dead-knot at the end of the trash bag and pulled it out of the small bin and trod out of the bathroom, feeling like a new man.

youngjae took his time in cleaning and clearing his house of yugyeom’s things and shoved them down the rubbish chute before he could regret anything. he even painted his walls a nice coat of sky blue before feeding himself a good meal aside from the many cups of instant noodles, which he found solace in after yugyeom’s departure.

after all that was done, youngjae threw himself on his bed and let out a happy grin for the first time in forever as he snuggled himself under the warm fluffy covers and let himself fall into the welcoming arms of deep sleep.

**［还 我 钥 匙 的 备 份，我 觉 得 再 见 可 以 很 单 纯。］**

**[return me your copy of my keys, i think our next meet can be very simple.]**

a loud knock echoed through the half empty apartment, breaking youngjae away from his music. a familiar sharp knock against the wooden door that left youngjae biting his fingernails in nervousness; yugyeom. he turned down the volume of the music before pausing the track and sliding off his wireless headphones to let it hang around his neck, he slowly approached the door. the house suddenly seemed too quiet for him and as much as youngjae would like to say it didn’t affect him, he had to admit it did to a certain extent. he unlocked the door hesitantly and poked his head out from behind the door to see the face he had been dreading to see the most; yugyeom.

“h-hey,” yugyeom began. youngjae managed a small smile before pulling the door open wider and asking yugyeom to come in. yugyeom bit his lower lip in nervousness and slipped off his shoes before making his way to the living room. he sat himself down on the couch carefully as youngjae returned from the kitchen with two glasses of water. yugyeom’s eyebrow raised seeing that youngjae had not used his old cup before gratefully accepting the drink and took a sip. youngjae gulped down a mouthful of water before noticing yugyeom’s eyebrow from behind his cup and shrugged.

“i threw out your stuff,” he said noncommittally, “felt it was for the better.” yugyeom nodded slowly at youngjae’s words, careful not display his shock at youngjae’s words. it wasn’t like youngjae at all to do such a thing, but somehow yugyeom was quietly glad he had done so. feeling the awkward atmosphere sink in, youngjae sighed.

“how are you?” this time, both yugyeom’s eyebrows went up. in all honestly, yugyeom should be the one asking youngjae that question.

“you--you’re not mad at me?” yugyeom asked softly as he put his cup down on the coffee table. he saw youngjae’s face soften and sighed in relieve.

“you know i can never be mad at you, yugyeom, if anything, i was mad at myself.” youngjae chuckled softly as he set his cup down and crossed his arms. yugyeom scrunched his eyebrows.

“but, why?”

youngjae shot him a small smile. “he gave you what i failed to give.”

“what?”

“happiness.” yugyeom looked down and played with his fingers.

“that’s not true hyung, you made me happy too.” yugyeom mumbled. youngjae laughed softly.

“not the way i wished i did,” youngjae covered the younger’s calloused hands with his own smaller one and gently brushed his thumb over the skin, “but thank you.” yugyeom peaked out from under his bangs and grinned cheekily at the elder. youngjae gave yugyeom’s hands one last pat before leaning back against the couch and crossing his arms once again.

“so, tell me why you have decided to visit me?”

youngjae watched intently as yugyeom dug around in his pocket and fished out a ring of keys. he winced slightly at the jingle of the keys as the other gently set it down on the coffee table.

“i thought i'd return them to you,” yugyeom said awkwardly, gesturing towards the ring of keys. “i don’t think i should hold on to these, so maybe you can pass them on to the next person? yeah.” he finished off lamely. youngjae refused to meet the younger’s eyes, afraid that he would break down in front of the other and turn into a burden for him. he only sat there staring at the keys, nodding stiffly at yugyeom’s words.

the thick silence had made its return and youngjae wished that he had a knife, anything at all, to slice through it. just as youngjae asked for, yugyeom’s phone began to ring. he looked to youngjae, asking to be excused as he picked up the call. youngjae signalled for him to go ahead, after all, he was no longer yugyeom’s boyfriend. he sighed softly, running his fingers through his blonde strands. he remembered how the taller loved to comb his fingers through it and made a mental note to get it dyed again, his dark brown roots showing as well.

“hey, uh, i have to make a move. mook’s calling for me.” yugyeom paused, as if waiting for youngjae’s approval. laughing quietly, youngjae nodded and stood up from the couch, hooked the keys up off the table with his index finger and walked yugyeom to the main door.

“so, i guess this is it?” youngjae nodded. yugyeom nervously shifted his weight from foot to foot.

“until next time? maybe if you want, i can take you to meet mook, i mean he’s rather excited to meet you.” youngjae nodded again.

“sounds good.” yugyeom bit his lower lip and stuffed his hands into his pockets.

“okay,” he rocked back and forth and youngjae chuckled.

“go, don’t worry about me.” yugyeom seemed reluctant but took a step back to press the button for the elevator and sighed.

“i’ll always worry about you hyung,” yugyeom said softly and youngjae shot him a small smile.

“worry more about him, he’s your boyfriend now.”

“you’re still my best friend hyung.” the elevator dinged, signalling its arrival and yugyeom took small, tentative steps back.

“see you around hyung.” yugyeom gave a small wave, which youngjae returned as the doors slowly moved shut.

“hey.” the elevator door opened again abruptly and yugyeom hummed in response.

**［我 甚 至 真 心 真 意 的 祝 福，永 恒 在 你 的 身 上 先 发 生。］**

**[i even sincerely wish that you’d find eternal happiness before i do.]**

“i wish you all the best. i hope the both of you are happy.” yugyeom grinned widely hearing youngjae’s words. it was the best form of wishes, especially coming from his ex.

“thanks hyung, we will be. don’t do anything stupid alright.” youngjae pulled a face at the younger and hurriedly waved his hand to shoo yugyeom away. the door closed on yugyeom’s smiling face and youngjae sighed in relief, happy that it was over and that the huge weight of dread was lifted off his shoulders. he looked at the keys hanging on his right index finger and decided that he would keep it under the flower pot he had outside his apartment.

_never know when you need it_ , he thought as he made his way back into his cave.

**［你 还 是 要 幸 福，你 千 万 不 要 在 招 惹 别 人 哭。］**

**[you still have to live happily, don’t make another person cry.]**

youngjae laid on his back in his bed and sighed happily, hearing one of his favourite songs come up on his playlist on shuffle. jackson hyung had introduced him to this song and he had been listening to it ever since, even more after the break-up.

**［所 有 错 误 从 我 这 里 落 幕，别 跟 着 我，铭 心，刻 骨。］**

**[all your mistakes stop here, don’t follow me, leave and let this love be forever remembered.]**

youngjae hummed along to the tune of the chorus. he wished he knew how to speak the language, it was such a beautiful one.

**［你 还 是 要 幸 福，我 才 能 确 定 我 还 的 很 清 楚。］**

**[you still have to live happily, only then i’m sure i’ve returned everything i owe you.]**

the song had expressed exactly what youngjae felt, every time he listened to it he was moved to tears.

**［确 定 自 己 再 也 不 会 占 据，你 的 篇 幅。］**

**[only then am i sure that i don’t have a place in your heart anymore.]**

because just like the song, youngjae wished only the best for yugyeom.

**［明 天 开 始，这 一 切 都 结 束。］**

**[from tomorrow onwards, this all ends.]**

even after their relationship has ended.

**［如果你很幸福，半夜的简讯我就不需回复。］**

**[if you’re living happily, then i wouldn’t have to reply your late night messages.]**

after all, yugyeom has moved on, his attention should be placed solely on that one person, attending to all his needs and wants, showering that lucky person with his love.

**［因为你的悲喜已经有了，容身之处，我也能有最纯粹的孤独。］**

**[because you would have found someone to hold you through your sorrows and joys, and i would be able to have the purest form of loneliness.]**

and maybe, one day, youngjae would too be able to find someone to keep him in his ups and downs.

**［最孤独的孤独。］**

**[the loneliest of loneliness.]**

but for now, the comfortable serene atmosphere of his room and his music were his closest friends.

 

**Author's Note:**

> secretly ships yugjae but there ain't enough yugjae to go around so i thought i'd try my hand at it even though it's angsty (although i think it ain't angsty enough)


End file.
